Month: March 2016

we are not your game

respect_women_poster_by_grayceemaycee-d4r9p35

I like to think I am a pretty tough chick and can hold my own in most situations. Sure, I’ve been naïve in the past and have had some pretty wild encounters – that’s all part of the rollercoaster of life. However, nothing I have ever experienced before compares to that sick, defenceless vulnerability you feel when you know you are being preyed upon by a man.

I’m not talking about a dick in a club. I’m talking about 3am, on your way home, tired, maybe a little delirious, with just enough wit about you to realise the seemingly helpless situation you have gotten yourself into.

Some people would ‘righteously’ say – “well, you shouldn’t have been walking home that late.”

Really?! I can’t enjoy the walk home after work because it’s late and I was born a woman with breasts and a uterus as opposed to a penis and too much testosterone?

Regardless of what you would say – that is THE fact. And quite frankly, the facts are fucked.

It shouldn’t matter what time it is, what I look like, what I am wearing, where I have come from OR what I bare on my chest and between my legs – it is all irrelevant.

We are not your game.

We are your mothers, your sisters, your aunties, your grandmothers, your friends and your lovers so please – RESPECT and PROTECT WOMEN.

 

Image by Graycee Maycee

mondayitis

mondayitis

Monday’s can “go suck a big f***** d*** Jill”.

Mondayitis is definitely a thing. It affects men and women up to 50 years of age that over indulge on Fridays, Saturdays and Sunday Fundays. It is highly contagious – if your best friend is suffering from it, chances are you will be too (usually as a result of being a bad influence on him or her). It is generally caused by “failure to quit” when told by security guard that “you’ve had enough” and that you should “go home and sleep it off”. Instead, choosing to move on to the next venue and continue consumption.

Symptoms include:

  • little or no attention span
  • grouchiness
  • guilt
  • cringing
  • flashbacks
  • tiredness
  • resting bitch face
  • frowning
  • constant complaining
  • headaches
  • vomiting
  • muffled ears
  • loss of taste
  • blocked nose
  • bags under eyes
  • sadness
  • self pity
  • tears (usually fake)

Although it feels as though the world is going to end on the Monday, symptoms only last until Friday afternoon.

Below is a list of cures for Mondayitis:

  • McDonalds (Burger and/or Desserts menu – avoid anything from the Salads & Wraps menu) NOTE: try to resist the urge to drink post mix coke as your tastebuds are pretty non-existent at this stage and it will taste like soda water.
  • Call in sick – this is generally the best option in order to avoid getting fired.
  • Sleep in – majority of symptoms (excluding cringing and flashbacks  – you’re stuck with those!) are a result of lack of sleep.
  • Get a job that enables you to “work from home” on Monday’s.
  • Phone a friend – usually best to contact a friend that was with you on Friday, Saturday or during the Sunday Funday as they will be able to offer some sympathy as well as insight into potential causes of your symptoms.
  • Dancing – take T-Swift’s advice and shake it off.
  • Beer/Wine/Spirits – either/or/all.
  • Huggles – a mixture of hugs and snuggles with Mum, pet (cat, dog, bird if you’re desperate) boyfriend, girlfriend or gay bestfriend.
  • Half-arsed pledges of sobriety – keeping in mind “after-work” drinks on Friday.

Remember, you’re not alone. Chances are, majority of the office is suffering too. It won’t be long before Tuesday slaps you in the face and you wake up to yourself. Hang in there!