Month: May 2016

‘red rage’ – a guide for men

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It’s that time of month again, when despite being surrounded by a diverse landscape of vivid colours – all I see is red. I can go from being super nice to super psycho in seconds, if provoked. Well, that’s not entirely true – I don’t even need to be provoked.

I am a woman, just like any other (pre-menopause) and I have my period (OK!)!

Yep, I said it. My f****** period. That one time of the month when zero f***s are given (literally). My care factor has booked a one-way ticket the f*** out of here and my menstrual cycle has sabotaged my mental state – once AGAIN! My emotions are having the time of their life on a rollercoaster in god knows where and all I want for breakfast is 364574837 Snickers!

I don’t want to go to work, I don’t even want to stay home. I want to cry because I can’t find my favourite pair of socks and I want to tear shreds off Qantas for flying their planes over my roof midway through S4 E6 of Girls, drowning out all sound momentarily. The fact that I can simply rewind the program 4 seconds to hear what was said is absolutely, f****** irrelevant – I am FURIOUS!

It’s safe to say, I’m a bloody mess and that pun was definitely intended!

Tread very carefully and choose your words very wisely around a woman during this time or else. ‘Else’ could be anything, depending on how badly you piss her off and I don’t recommend letting it get to this point. Definitely do not make her wait any longer than not at all. Or make that irritating, whistling sound through your nose when breathing.

Tough questions pack a punchier response this week and touchy subjects should be avoided completely or things might actually get physical. Cut us some slack because unfortunately, we can’t cut it out.

Avoid comments about what side we chose to exit the bed from because we all know, that’s irrelevant. And you’re not funny. Don’t tell us to ‘snap out of it’ because, we will more than likely snap you and DO NOT assign human qualities such as, ‘cranky’ to our pants. Lastly, the worst thing you could do is call us ‘Drama Queens’, unless of course you want to treat us like royalty.

We have to endure this temporary bi-polar, every month. Poor us. Seriously. As if it’s not unfair enough that if you want kids, WE are the ones that have to carry them around for 9 months whilst our body starts to resemble the shape of a small house. AND, wine time is no longer a fine time for us because – We. Can’t. Drink. The. Wine! Not to mention, everything about the birth. Let’s just take a moment to appreciate all the mama’s out there, please – R.E.S.P.E.C.T ladies!

The joys of being a woman. I really wouldn’t have it any other way though. I can’t imagine not giving a shit about shoes or bangles.

I gave up blaming my period for these mood swings a little while ago because – well, by blaming them – I was blaming me. And this isn’t my fault. I am not wrong. I am a woman and these are the hormones I have been blessed with (blessed may be an overstatement, not going to lie) and the natural side effects that come with them. PMS is a Part of My Story and you need to let it play out.

You may have survived Day 1, but my cycle is like clockwork which means we’ve got 6 days to go, so man-up matey!

*****R.E.S.P.E.C.T to all the men out there that just get it. Ya’ll are keepers.

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YOLO

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Last week I met a fabulous woman who had just been told she was going to die. Cancer doesn’t play fair. Despite being beaten once, it was back. Odette was given 6 months to live and she asked me what I would do?
I had no idea what to say. Fuck. We are told over and over again to live each day like it’s our last and that “you only live once” – it’s become such a cliché that we say it without taking into consideration the harsh truth that the words refer too.
You’re not going to get yesterday back. EVER. You don’t get a second chance at life.
Yet, we continue to take it for granted, enduring the daily grind to make a buck and survive. For what? For the house and the car and all of the other crap society tells us we ‘need’?
What about what we want? Are you doing what you want? Are you happy? If the answer is no, it’s time to make a change. Don’t settle, don’t put up with it. Don’t put the crap that doesn’t make you feel good, before the things that do! You’ve still got time, unlike too many others that have been diagnosed with terminal illness such as cancer. I am not suggesting that you quit your job and become a gypsy (unless of course you want to – by all means, go nuts!), I am only asking that you ask yourself these questions and make sure that you can answer them with a genuine, ‘yes’.
Odette showed me her scars from her previous battle with cancer and she told me a bit about her family and how she came to meet her bestfriend Lou, whom I also had the pleasure of meeting on the night. We talked about boys and growing up and we cried and laughed together. It was such a rare experience, one that I will never forget.
 For me, losing a friend to murder, an uncle to cancer and a grandfather to old age and stubbornness in the past year as well as meeting Odette, has only concreted the fact that we are not immortal. It seems obvious, yet we still continue to assign a sense of immortality to ourselves and those around us. We put things off, hesitate or hold back because we feel as though we have all the time in the world. Then reality bites.
 Live life with no regrets, take chances, be liberal, make changes, be kind, keep an open mind and let go of the things that no longer serve your purpose. Choose a life that you love and love the life that you choose because after all, you do only live once.